Autonomy vs. Shame

We are definitely in the midst Erik Erikson's psychosocial development phase of Autonomy vs. Shame. At least with Jackson. This weekend he seemed to push every boundary he knew of with great autonomy. It was certainly enough to run me ragged and leave some scars on his friends. Thankfully he carried plenty of shame along with his mistakes, which made me feel a little hope for his future as a functioning person in society. As soon as he knew he was in trouble, he'd run to one of his 10 favorite hiding spots throughout the house. Sometimes I cared, sometimes I didn't. Always I was just tired or finding the balance of policing and injury prevention and letting him figure stuff out on his own. 

I really only got pictures of the cute autonomous stuff. Instances where I tried really hard not to laugh so he wouldn't be inspired to do it again and again.

On my stressed mamma day (Tuesday), I really wanted him to take a nap--for the safety of himself and all those involved in his life. This is what he looked like after an hour and a half of trying. Oh my cute. 

We explored plenty with this little whale. Apparently the whale got bored of all the imaginative water. "And then, the whale went SPLASH!" with arm movements showing me what "the whale" did. Again, desperately holding the laughter in.





The good news was he ate plenty of healthy food this weekend--including most of this can of black beans. He insisted on eating them from the can, in the kitchen, on a chair. Each detail was tied to a tantrum if it wasn't executed.

Allie didn't want to miss out on the fun. I felt like all weekend she was screaming, "don't forget about me!"

We tried many ways to deal with his massive amounts of curious, aggressive energy. We employed a trip to the track (where completed a 400 meter dash with two breaks and no walking), a bowling excursion and a little bike ride. Videos of latter two to enjoy. Sorry-- no videos of the tantrums that happened afterward.

Not Quite Mom...

For a number of weeks, Jackson has taken to using the phrase, "no, not quite." He says it with the sweetest, thoughtful tone and never inserts "yet." Obviously he hears us say it all the time, but his application of this parrot phrase have been phenomenally creative, and oh so cute. 

"Would you like to have lunch Jackson?"

"Not quite Mom. I'm playing"

-------

"Jackson it's time to to preschool bud."

"No, not quite. There's no preschool today."

------

"Jackson, do you need to go potty?"

(Sigh) "Not quite."

-----

"OK, go climb in bed Jackson."

"No, not quite mom. I need to eat my dinner."

-----


This is all part of a larger stalling phase he's embraced with great talent. Mostly it comes out in that last situation, at bedtime. Somehow 8:00 seems to be the magical time of hunger, a sincere desire to slowly clean up all toys, and go poop in the toilet. The "not quite" part still makes me laugh, but by 8:30 I start turning into mad mama when we're still working on putting his blankets on.

I suppose we should a) not let him do these things--though I like that he eventually eats his dinner, cleans up toys and poops in the toilet--or b) move up his bed time. With the crazy time change of last week that we're all still adjusting to, this bed time move up could be difficult. I can only imagine Jackson looking out the window and sighing, "not quite mom. It's not dark yet." But, to get a happy mama, we are quite going to have to. 

Aliens and Allie

Remember how Allie used to love to chat?

She now converses, but only with one consonant and syllable: Ba. Oh it's hilarious when she gets her jaw going up and down as she does her "ba ba ba."  Reminds me of these classic characters from Sesame Street:

Our aliens Allie and Jackson:

 How cute!

Creative Safety

When Allie is awake, my number one task is to keep her safe. She's rolling around like crazy and puts everything in her mouth. As such, hard corners and small items would seem to be her most life threatening dangers. Hardly. Her cabin-fevered brother is by far the biggest threat. We are always creatively figuring out how to keep him from spreading his various viruses (that seem to come rapidly) and keep him from injuring her out of curiosity or attention-seeking sake.

Common scene:

 

(Really, can I blame him? We all do want to eat her... he's just a bit more vicious than the rest of us)

 So, let's play "Simon does" and Allie is the Simon. (I wish this worked longer than 2 min.)

Or let's enlist her as the toy holder: "Go get her another toy--mark, get set, go! And another, go!"

We also encourage creative uses of household items:

(He figured that out all on his own. Never would have crossed my mind. )

 This was another fun household item experiment, but it was only successful because Allie was asleep. She would certainly have been more interesting than cornstarch. I call this, putting attention in his "debit account." Crucial to the rest of the day.

 

And for my own safety:



 My creative, chocolate, avocado, frosting-less cake.  Yes this was likewise important for Allie's safety. Both the dairy-less-ness, and the chocolate part.

Creative safety!

Foodie

Allie entered the world of solid-ish food. The recommended "first" cereal feed is something like 6 parts breast milk, and 1 part very fine cereal. Since I found Jackson's "first" food didn't seem to stay on the spoon at this ratio, Allie got a better ratio. It is still mushy paste--not quite the solid food it's termed to be.

She's seemed very curious about food lately, and with her 6th month birthday being today, I figured it was time.  (For personal record keeping sake, this event actually occurred Thursday the 14th.)

 
Full bowl:

Empty bowl:

 

Time Out. She ate the whole thing? Mark and I were both shocked, as was her system the next day. (There was some fowl stuff coming out of her behind--kind of mushy like the food, but a lot more colorful). Allie was not so shocked: 

I should have figured she'd be related to me. Watch out girl, although this talent of finishing everything put in front of you is fabulous for frugality, it sure makes for rough battles on the waist. Enjoy it while you can!

Bed Shifts

Jackson moved into a big boy bed a couple of weeks ago. We were nervous about him staying in bed--especially since we couldn't even close his door tight (fun characteristics of an old home). But, since we left the crib up, (waiting for Allie's move from our room to Jackson's) it's a looming threat just waiting to be used on disobedient little boys. So, in general he stays in bed... amazingly with more than one blanket on!

Unfortunately, we have had a major, unexpected shift in morning wake up times. I used to wake him up by 7:45 am so he would be tired enough to take a nap. Now he comes shuffling in at 6:30am telling us it's morning and he wants to wake up. The good news is, he's ready for a nap by 1pm. The bad news is Allie is still quite the night owl, often staying up till 11:30 pm. Post marriage, I have determined I need 8 hours of sleep, and 11:30-6:30 is not working out.


So, since I get a solid nap from Jackson, and  I get to utilize my state of awesome productivity that occurs when I'm out of bed before 7:30, we are going to get serious about getting Allie to sleep earlier. Perhaps we shall start solid food and see if that helps (I doubt it), or maybe we'll just stop allowing nap #4 (around 6 pm at night). I have a feeling I mostly have to stop being wooed by her cuteness. Not sure that's possible:
 

  
BUT, if we are successful, perhaps we can let Allie join her brother in the big kid room.

We'll look forward to it!

Hanging Out

With the recent escapades in potty training and the onset of post-Christmas sicknesses, we've done a lot of hanging out the past few weeks.

Often Allie manages to hang out in less than comfortable positions:

So we try and facilitate situations that will be a little more comfy. You know, like the stove top, with a plastic bag near by:



We finally put the old blue "washtub" away, and let the kids hang out together in the bath. (Yes, we've kept Jackson in the baby tub for a long time, but we've saved a lot of water! He's pretty amazed at all the space he could have if Allie didn't join him for his baths.)

Allie and Sophie hang out a lot. Good thing Sophie is such a good friend, and doesn't mind Allie's chewing habits.

Both kids are in love with making raspberries and elephant noises with their lips especially on hang out days. Jackson's were getting wet and messy enough, we decided to kick off the "life just isn't fair" phase. He is welcome to experiment with spittle and lip vibrations as much as he would like, as long as it's on the porch. I love logical consequences! Lucky little Allie gets to stay inside and practice them as often as she likes and even gets filmed doing it.

As the oldest child, I know Jackson will get to experience many of these situations, but hey! The life long response will include reminding him of all the time he got to hang out with just him and the parents. And they were definitely good times.