Deliberate Decisions

For Father's day, I gave Mark folder of all the little videos we've taken of Jackson. I gave my dad some of the highlights via youtube. Watching the videos from when Jackson was a teeny infant has been fascinating as it has helped me remember how different he is now. This doesn't make me sad, but rather amazed at how such a tiny human can change so quickly.

When he first came out, his whole body had to focus so hard on bodily functions like eating, sleeping and excretion of matter in various sates. It was pure instinct, limbs flailed around, and no decisions had to be made.

He then moved to small instinctual decisions like smiling, batting at objects, chewing, etc. I even feel like crawling was instinctual because he was reacting to the desire to move. He saw an object, and moved toward it without conscious thought of effect or knowing what he would do once he got it.

Walking has brought on a new side of human nature.

Two days ago, Jackson came up to me on the couch, and turned my hand over. He played with it a little, then opened up my fingers and put his hand inside and began to walk away with my hand still in his possession. Pinnacle of tender parenting moments. Apparently he wanted to walk around with my hand's support.

He now frequently makes non-instinctual decisions like this. He decides he wants something, and he uses his few skills to point, bring objects or show me what he wants. Some are sweet, and others are... not so sweet. It's half relief and half terror. Relief because he can show me what he wants (less guessing), terror because... he can show me what he wants. As such small tantrums come about when he doesn't get what he wants--not out of instinct from sadness, but a desired outcome from the tantrum.

Can you tell what he wants here? No screaming yet, but it's certainly going to happen if dad doesn't concede to Jackson's clear desires.


Thankfully, this is all to be expected, and we're thrilled at the deliberate decisions he is making.

This video is his walking abilities as of Saturday night. It has since turned into less of a walk/fall, and more of a wobbley frankenstein move. It's become more and more deliberate each day, and Mark and I can't believe how joyous of an occasion it is to see him decide to move on his own two feet.

What a cute, not-so-innocent, kid. Love it.